Welcome to the first in what I'm sure will be a series of posts detailing how I would run things around here. And I'm choosing a topic that affects me based on my locale.
Here in beautiful Northern Illinois, the city I live in has had a population explosion due in part to high levels of immigration. And that wouldn't be such a big deal... if it was all legal.
My neighborhood has at least four single family homes housing multiple families. And when I say multiple, I mean about thirty people to a house with five to six cars in each driveway and on the street. And it's like this all over the city. Sure, we have building codes that should eliminate that and lessen the overcrowding in these homes, but the problem lies in the democratic asshats in city hall who are looking for support from all the Mexican voters who have families here illegally. (For the record, it's my understanding that most of the illegal immigrants are of Mexican descent. It seems that immigrants of other nationalities go through the trouble of applying for and receiving their citizenship.)
It's been made clear over time that our Democratic leadership is more than content to let our once fine city fall into oblivion under the weight of the illegal immigrant population. They have even gone as far as recognizing matricula cards given by the Mexican government as legitimate identification. As for our state government, a bill supported by several senators has been circulating to give illegal immigrants the right to a drivers license.
This kind of bullshit cheapens the hard work and dedication of the many immigrants who come to this great country and pursue citizenship. My grandparents from both sides of my family fall into that category and are surely rolling over in their graves at this bullshit.
I've bitched enough... it's time for:
If I Was In Charge: Immigration
Some of these may seem impossible and most likely would be without reoganization and/or a reworking of the current system in place.
1. After entering the country all immigrants have eight years, from their time of entry, to become naturalized citizens. I'd make it less, but naturalization requires five years of residency.
2. Upon entry, all immigrants register with the INS, FBI, and local law enforcement agencies. If after eight years an immigrant has not obtained citizenship, representatives from one or all of these agencies will provide an escort to the closest border and expell the immigrant from the country. Attempts at crossing back into the country will be met with use of deadly force. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
3. The ability to read, write, speak, and understand english is a requirement for naturalization. Within three months of immigration, the immigrant must show proof of working towards this requirement by enrolling in an english language class. Failure to do so within the first three months will constitute an unwillingness to learn english and satisfy the requirements of naturalization. At this time, the immigrant's case will be slated for review three months following. If by that time, the immigrant fails to show proof of english language education, the immigrant will be escorted to the nearest border in a manner similar to what was laid out in #2 above. Personally, I'm tired of telling people I don't speak spanish. Ingles, motherfuckers. Learn it.
4. There will no longer be free handouts to immigrants and their families. All free handouts will go to U.S. citizens, whether they be citizens by birth or naturalized citizens. It's about time that legal citizens had perks and privileges again.
5. Any immigrant found to be in posession of falsified identification (i.e. IDs, drivers licenses, etc.) will be taken into custody, automatically identified as a felon, and escorted to the nearest border. No trial. No jail time. No second chances.
6. Any immigrant deported from the U.S. for failure to abide by the immigration rules above found to have crossed back into the country will immediately have a bounty placed on their head in the amount of $10,000. For every six months the immigrant goes uncaptured, the bounty will increase by $5,000. Use of deadly force will be authorized.
7. The United States will no longer recognize any form of identification issued by another nation's government as valid ID. Any state or local municipality found to be in violation will immediately have it's leadership arrested and tried for treason.
8. An immigration cap will be established, limiting the number of families or individuals who may immigrate in a single year. This number will be based on an analysis of previous immigration numbers versus what our economy can support. Or it can be determined by a random number generator for all I care. The point being, there needs to be some way to control the immigrant population. Maybe we should just seal the borders for three years at a time and only have them open for one.
I'm sure I could think of more, but I'm a little rusty at ranting about what I would do if I was in charge. I know some of you are probably scratching your heads, wondering what I've been smoking, and pointing out the number of ways in which this won't work.
I say fuck you. This could work. Nobody's had the balls to really touch immigration reform and stick to their guns. As for manpower issues (of which there would be many), you can't tell me that of all the unemployed fuckers out there, people wouldn't jump at a job, especially if we provide training in the appropriate areas for the people that would need it. Welfare momma? Get up off your fat ass! We got a fucking job for you... sit here and push paper. It might not be a dream job, but shit, a job is a job. Especially in our current economy.
On top of all that, this category is called 'If I Was In Charge'. Not, 'What Would You, Your Brother, Your Friend Down The Street, Your 47th Cousin 23 Times Removed, Or Your Monkey's Uncle Do If They Were In Charge?'. This could work, If I was in charge.
For more information, check out the UCIS website for naturalization requirements. Check out the self test you can take on U.S. history and government. Doesn't seem that hard to me.
Especially for people that want the benefits of citizenship.
