Wasted Years

Xmas In September is approaching!

Break out the plastic and make with the consumerism!

This is the greatest time of year! Rejoice and buy me lots of stuff!

Or buy me a house... that would be an acceptable offering. Ha! I kill me!

I figured I'd better start doing some real blogging again to avoid a bitch slap from the Venomous One. Somehow I doubt she's the only one that was getting tired of seeing nothing but love notes being posted. Am I wrong? S'ok though... I can supply random rambling and love notes. I'm a champion multi-tasker from waaaaaay back.

So what better way to get back into the swing of things than a friendly reminder post. That's right!

It's Christmas In September time!

It's that time of year to sell your children, off your spouse for the insurance money, and re-mortgage your house to buy me lots of stuff.

In a fit of boredom I broke up the massive list from years past into manageable chunks... there is a list of miscellaneous items, a listening list, a reading list, a watching list, and a list of books I think might come in handy for my writing endeavors.

So get to it shoppers! As of tomorrow, you have one month to get your shopping done!

So Begineth the Month of Me.

It's been ages since I posted something other than a note to someone special. A lot of blogs I've been to over the years had a section of 100 or so things about the blogger - never really thought about doing one myself because I don't think I'm that interesting. And because some of the ones I read were snooze-rific I could never bring myself to put everyone else to sleep.

But I'm in an introspective kind of mood and like I said, it's been ages since a post so cinch your helmets tight we're going on a trip through Dave Land...

Random Ramblings
1) My full name (minus my surname) is Joseph Glen David.
2) I'm named after my grandfather and two close family friends.
3) The last four or five generations of men on my dad's side were named Joseph. It's tradition, baby!
4) In court, I'm Joseph.
5) Outside of court I'm not (but you already knew that).
6) I have a horrible habit of oversimplifying the hard stuff and thinking too much about the easy stuff (especially when it comes to talking to people).
7) At least one of you already knew that.
8) I was picked on all the time in school.
9) Then I damn near broke some fucker's nose.
10) Then I got stabbed in the arm with a pen.

At least I am now.

Although for awhile I had to resist the urge to get on a plane and kick someone's teeth out by putting my foot real far up their ass.

But I'm okey dokey now. Things are OK and everything is going to work out.

Due to popular demand, I finally uploaded the pics I took to start off my new hobby. Like the Mambo pics, they're on Flickr, but these are wide open for viewing - no account required. Many thanks to Kim, who agreed to be my guinea pig and suffered through my total lack of direction and futzing with the camera.

Moving ahead, I wanted a guy subject but as I expressed to Bea, how do you ask a guy to take pictures of him and not have it sound gay? Honestly, not really a concern but it was good for a chuckle or two. But I have switched gears and will be looking for a married couple to volunteer to be my next victims subjects.

Any potential volunteers?

The annual taco party went off without a hitch (well - except for the slight delay in serving up the grub). People showed up, had a good time, and left satisfied. I blew through the last three exposures on the roll of film so I should be dropping off all the film tomorrow. I've got some great pics from Mambo this year, thanks to Ed taking the initiative and grabbing the camera. I've got great blackmail pics, so I'll be in a house in no time (HA!).

But really the best part of Mambo was the awesome surprise I received from an old co-worker and her daughter. Honestly, it was the best surprise I've ever had... it was none other than Bea! That sneaky woman RSVP'd her regrets and then hopped on a plane to come hang out and party! It was a damn great day and Bea helped it along. It was great to see her and the rumblings of me taking a trip back out to AZ for my birthday have begun... we shall see...

But it was a great day - the food was awesome, the beer flowed freely for those who drank, and the weather... well the weather ate shit later in the night, but it was still a beautiful day overall.

Mambo VIII goes down as the best Mambo ever. Thanks to everyone who came out and special thanks to Cathy, Beth and Aaron who showed up on my doorstep with Bea.

See ya next year!

Finally got around to seeing this with Kathy last night. I liked it, and thought it was pretty good. Will Smith did a fine job in the lead IMO and the visuals were impressive. Worth the trip to the theater in the freezing fucking cold.

But I think I liked the book better. I guess there's something about not-so-happy endings that appeals to me.

The innocence of children allows them a unique point of view of the world around them which in turn can lead to a lot of questions.

"Daddy, do you remember when you lived here and slept with me and momma?" is a question that'll tear out your heart and stomp on your soul.

It's worse because she doesn't understand.

Yet.

Congratulations to Krissy on her gradumacation from a center of higher learning. We went out Saturday to celebrate with dinner, bowling, and a trip to Denny's at one in the morning. A good time was had by all.

Congrats again, sis! I'm proud of ya!

In the winter time, my hands dry out something fierce no matter how much lotion I use and eventually the skin on my finger tips starts splitting.

I was laying down a guitar track for a project I'm working on when I got a string caught in one of the splits on my fingers. I've done it before, but it's been a while since it's happened.

Ow. Big-time OW. I uttered a string of curses that made the dog run up the stairs in fear for her life.

Suddenly I remembered why I don't play a lot of guitar during the winter months. Simultaneously I thought up a great torture information collection device.

I'll be accepting offers from the intelligence community in the near future... stay tuned!

We got dumped on again Saturday... probably another 5 inches when it was all said and done. I'd have an accurate number, but I haven't watched TV since Friday night.

I had a great visit with my little princess on Saturday. We played princesses and Mission to Mars. Watching her imagination running at full throttle is always so much fun. I left Wisconsin and traveled through hell before hitting the border and getting back into Illinois where they know how to plow the roads. I almost t-boned some jackass who thought that 4 wheel drive is a license to drive like an asshole in crappy weather.

Being brave or stupid or both, I drove through more crappy road conditions to go to Ed and Krissy's for the annual holiday shebang. It was a blast! I got to spend time with Ed, Krissy, Danny, and Kathy and got awesome gifts from everybody (thanks again guys!)... well worth the drive!

Now I just have to make it through the rest of this week and I'll have almost two full weeks off from work, which will give me a chance to relax after all the recent madness in my life.

A little less snow would be nice though.

A compromise isn't a compromise when two of us will wind up losing out in the end.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

After reading through that last entry, I realized something.

It's absolutely amazing how much things can change in three month's time. Three months ago, I was geared up to buy a house - I was in pretty good shape financially, the only thing missing was a sizable down payment but I had that all figured out and would have been set within two month's time. Between then and now I had to turn to my old enemy, the credit card, to take care of some things around the house for The Mom. I didn't really want to, but it was an emergency and she didn't have the resources to handle it. Following that, I had to hit Mr. Credit Card again for a huge chunk of change for a horrendously miserable situation.

Credit-wise, I'm done as far as owning a home goes. My debt to income ratio is now too high for me to get a mortgage. Due to another aspect of the horrendously miserable situation, I'm back to living paycheck to paycheck - something I haven't had to do in quite awhile. Which is another nail in the coffin of me getting a house.

Yeah, I'm complaining. But I was so damn close to being in my own home that I think I'm entitled. And for you naysayers - yeah, I had to resort to credit card usage for both problems. Believe me, I didn't want to and I tried to find other options, but I had none.

In three months, I went from being on top of the world to having everything come crashing down on me.

Amazing.

Simply amazing.

It actually started last night when an ATM allowed me to withdraw enough money to overdraw my checking account.

I overslept this morning. I still made it to work on time, but I was in a big damn hurry and felt frazzled for an hour after i got to work.

While standing outside having a smoke, I damn near froze my balls off. Couldn't figure out why, but there was a horrendous draft blowing up my leg and causing me to shrivel.

During my lunch hour I discovered that someone made an unauthorized purchase using my credit card. No joke. They used it to place an ad on AutoTrader. I wonder if they sold their vehicle... after thinking about it this evening, I'm also wondering if that loser alcoholic brother of mine got his hands on my credit card number.

After coming home from work I finally discovered the source of the freezing wind of doom that dropped my testicles into an ice age - a big gaping hole in my underwear. Maybe I should turn the light on in the morning.

After today's fun, I'm wondering what'll happen next.

Ed came over today and we put the finishing touches on a three year old project. It was a blast three years ago and it was a blast today, reliving the original experience.

I feel the urge to be creative again.

And it feels damn good.

I think I'm going to try and finally finish the goofy Lego movie that I started two years ago. I've got the audio so I might as well use it. But after that I need to move away from the solo projects. Today's activities reminded me just how much fun it is to be creative with other people. I've already got a couple of ideas that I talked to Ed about awhile back which is a start.

Now I've just got to find other people

Anybody up for some sketch comedy?

Over the past couple of weeks I've been neglecting the hell out of this thing - poor blog. Hopefully it's feelings aren't hurt too bad.

Hey! We had a Six Degrees Sunday and I never announced the winner. Ed won with the following:

"1. Hugh Hefner made a guest appearance on "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" which starred Will Smith... 2. Will Smith was in "I, Robot" with James Cromwell... 3. James Cromwell played in "The Green Mile" as did Tom Hanks... 4. Tom Hanks starred in "Apollo 13" alongside, you guessed it, Kevin Bacon."

Congrats to Ed who wins a big empty box with a bow on top for his answer! If I ever post another SDS, I'll be sure to post results in a timely manner...

I'm sure this will come as a shock, but I still haven't written anything for NaNo. I finally thought of something... it actually intrigues me. I have a plot and an outline in my head, now all I need to do is write. With only 5 days left in the month I know I can't hit 50,000, but even if all I put down is 1,000 it'll be something. Actually it'll be impressive given my recent lack of ambition to do anything.

Two weeks ago I got sicker than a dog. It started with what felt like a head cold, moved into the outer regions of flu territory, and then hopped the sick train to Congestionville. I was sick for over a week and still haven't shaken all the effects - right now it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. It's fun! You should try it some time.

Last week my 3 1/2 year old princess damn near made me piss my pants. I asked her if she was going to help me pick up her trains. She got a very serious look on her face and answered, "No. I think I'll just supervise." So I picked up her trains and then we watched Super Why, which is actually a pretty cool show. Or it was until she wanted to watch some of the episodes two or more times. How can little kids do that? I've tried to do it, but I need a least a day between watching the same episode of anything. And even then it's a sure bet that I'll turn it off five minutes into the second viewing.

And that's about it. Ed's coming over today to show me something 'massive' (Whoa!) which is probably a good thing (the coming over part, not the massive part). I haven't really had any human contact in awhile (family and work don't count) and I'm hoping this will cheer me up a bit. I certainly could use some cheering up, damn it.

Although Halloween has been over and done with for a few days now, as of yesterday there was still one Halloween event to attend - the party hosted by one of the secretaries from work. She has the party every year and I've made it every year, costume or not. This year, me and Brad went as Jay and Silent Bob.

My part as LunchBox was easy enough to pull off... I own a trench coat, have long hair, and grew a ferret on my face. Add in a healthy dose of standing around not saying a word and I was set. Brad on the other hand had it rougher I think. He had to shave the ferret off of his face which makes him look 12 again. Plus, he has no hair while Jay has long hair. The idea of getting a wig was floated, but neither of us really had the time to go shopping. So last night about half an hour before the party, we went in search of some last minute items to complete our costumes, including a mop head to use as a wig.

Three stores, no mop head. The only thing we found were sponge mops and replacement mop heads for those twist mop deals. Not being the biggest deal in the world we said 'screw it' and headed for the party. We arrived, made for the backyard, and grabbed a section of garage door to loiter in front of in full view of the kitchen. The kitchen that had people in it. By windows. After five minutes of not being noticed, Brad jumped up on the beer fridge outside by the kitchen window and peered in through the window until our hostess saw him and gave a blood-curdling scream.

The highlight of the party was Brad explaining what I was thinking to another guest:

Guest: "So you like read his mind and tell people what he's thinking?"
Brad: "Yeah."
Guest: "So what's he thinking?"
Me: Hand to head a la Jedi Mind Trick
Brad: "He's wondering if you've ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in a trench coat"

Yes, we are sick twisted perverts.

Brad took off about ten, leaving me with my drink and the other guests. By 12, I was thoroughly rocked (and feeling like crap) and decided to head home. Best part of this party - it was three blocks from home, so no worries about making it back to the house in a drunken state. I stumbled home, got sick, and passed out.

All in all, a good time. Except for the getting sick part. And the waking up in agonizing hell part from this morning. I love to let loose every once in awhile, but I just can't party the way I used to. Guess I'm getting too old. I'm thinking my party-going days are over. If that's the case, I'm glad I had a good time at the party last night.

I guess we'll see what next year brings.

My days of rubbing kitten pecker are over! The kitten is using the litter box. I repeat, the kitten is using the litter box.

I've had a litter box setup for Echo for about a week but he's refused to use it. Which has been annoying since he decided to bless me with a massive pile of shit in his sleeping area two days in a row. That in itself was a blast. Seriously. Nothing like a kitten covered from head to tail in shit. Moving along...

Tonight I put him in his box, he played with the litter for a minute, rolled over the side of the box, and walked away. Which is his usual routine and leads to pecker rubbing. After walking away, he turned back, crawled in and went to town. I stood there staring in shock until he looked up at me with that 'Ahem, a little privacy here' look that cats give you when you catch them in the box.

This is a great ending to a great weekend... too bad Monday will be here soon to screw everything up.

Brad and I were over at the freshman center setting up iMacs in a room on the third floor. It was a nice day today so the windows were open and just before we finished with the setup Brad heard a cat meowing. We both listened at the window and I agreed that it was a cat. Brad listened again and suggested it might be some kind of alarm, but after listening a bit more we determined it couldn't be anything but a cat.

We finished up and walked out to the van to load some crap into it. I started walking towards the front of the building to look for the meowing cat when it started meowing again. In the back of the building there's a tunnel that actually goes underneath the school to provide access to more parking and doors for some of the basement areas. When the cat started meowing again, it sounded like it was in the tunnel so we started walking through the tunnel looking for the it. Brad walked all the way through and I only made it halfway before realizing we were too far in. During all this the cat had gone silent so it was impossible to get a location on it.

We started walking out and the cat started meowing again. The first time it meowed I actually thought the little bugger was in the damn sewer and knelt down by the drain to listen for it. When it meowed again, we realized it was just outside the tunnel in a fenced off area with some a/c equipment. We could hear it crying, but still couldn't see it and started crawling all around the fence looking for it. I finally got smart and tried my padlock keys on the lock to the gate - bingo! I got the lock open and we moved in.

Brad finally found the little guy dead center under the a/c equipment - it was just a tiny kitten! He was curled up in a ball, crying his head off and shivering something fierce. Brad was gracious enough to run inside and find a box, but we couldn't get to him because there were metal grates all around the sides of the equipment so we started trying to get him to come to us. He looked like he was having trouble walking when he tried to walk at all and he crawled under a metal plate supporting a couple of tanks where we couldn't see him. Brad went to the other side of the grating and locked in on his position but we still didn't have a way of reaching him.

Apparently I knocked my work keys against something a couple of times and that got the kitten's attention and he started scooting my way so I pulled the keys off the belt hanger and started shaking them. Brad shouted to me that the little guy was headed towards me so I kept on shaking until a little gray head popped out from under the plate in front of me. He was still behind the grating, but Brad managed to scruff him and gently pull him through a gap in it.

We took him back to the Seventh Level and Brad donated a towel to wrap him in. The speculation is that mom was moving her litter and either got spooked or ran into trouble and didn't go back for the little guy. I ran the little guy to the vet on my lunch hour for a quick checkup. The little guy is two to two and a half weeks old and only weighs eight grams. He seems to be in good health for a youngin' but he's going to need to be bottle fed kitten formula for awhile and be kept warm. He still doesn't have a name, but I'm working on it ('Echo' seems to be a front runner right now).

I almost didn't bother with looking for him. But there was something in that tiny meow that got to me. And once we found him, there was no question in my mind about taking him home. The poor little guy was lost and alone.

Kind of like me.

After almost 12 hours we were finished and the kids that go to the kindergarten center will get off the bus Monday greeted by the sight of a brand new playground. There were about 50 to 75 people there at one point - almost too many volunteers. Some of us spent time twiddling our thumbs until a new job came up. By the end of the day we numbered 20 at most and were determined to get all the mulch spread over the playground area. We finished just after 7 and retreated from the mulch odor and mosquitoes to the safety and comfort of our homes and showers.

I met some great people yesterday, the most memorable being Ray whose regular job consisted of 'driving around, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes'. I fell into one of the post holes (thankfully I wasn't the only one who did that) and got a lot of sun which I didn't realize until I went home. I got out of the car trying to figure out why I was so damn hot. When I got inside my brother told me I was a beautiful bright shade of red. Ugh.

Today I feel like shit. I'm feverish and my body is protesting the insane amount of work I did yesterday. But yesterday was a glorious day, exhibiting the finer qualities in people when they come together for a community purpose. Yesterday morning a large group of strangers got together to build a playground. By last night they left, friends all, and left behind in their passing something kids will be enjoying for a long time to come.

And that makes every minute of today's aches and pains worth it.

One of the schools I go to received $25,000 from the Chicago Bears for a new playground. Local businesses and our district chipped in some more for various things but the principal still needed a crew to do the actual build so she put out the call for help.

Always looking for opportunities to meet attractive single women new people, I signed up so tomorrow I'll be building a playground from 8 to 5. I'm not usually into this kind of thing - when I leave work on Friday I do whatever I can to avoid thinking about it in any way until Monday morning. But it's for kindergarten kids and they're so cute when they're that small that going to a work location on a Saturday as a volunteer is acceptable to the warring factions between my ears.

Well that and the fact that there could be attractive single women there.

I have no shame!

Seriously though, I'm looking forward to it and I think it's going to be a really fun time. So now that I've bored you with yet another tale from my oh so boring life, I'm off to bed.

Hasta.

I've spent the majority of my birthday recovering from last night's festivities. To say I had a good time would be a massive understatement. I received some damn fine gifts and enjoyed the company of good friends.

Unfortunately, there's a picture of Ed grabbing my man boobs that could very well become blackmail material. Between that, stories of 'Cobra Dude', and Krissy talking about my knob there were laughs aplenty. I also managed to pull off a partial repayment of a certain lighter incident from a few years back - if you think that was all, think again!

To Ed, Krissy, Danny, Lari, Ralph, Greyson, and (last but certainly not least) Kathy - thanks for making my birthday enjoyable and memorable. I had a blast thanks to all of you!

And now begins the countdown to Christmas In September '08 - Celebrating 30 Years of Everyone's Favorite Asshole!

Or something.

Christmas In September is tomorrow! Haven't found the perfect gift for yours truly? I always have great gift ideas!

The party's today! If you didn't get an invite then you live too far away to make it (massive bummer!) or I don't want you around to screw up the awesome Christmas In September vibe. It's all about me baby!

Hmm... I become more of an asshole the closer my birthday gets... anyone else notice that?

There are only nine (9!!!) days left until Christmas In September and given the late hour, that means you only have eight days left to do your holiday shopping!

Make with the shopping!

Guess I'm just collateral damage.

Kids, listen to Uncle Dave - that's what being a nice guy gets you.

I've been having major problems sleeping lately. I'll go to bed and lay there until about 4 in the morning, pass out, and get up no later than six (for those of you with weak math skills that's two hours of sleep a night). This has been going on for about a month and a half and I'm surprised I'm still able to function. So is The Fearless Leader... not that I've been paying attention, but my lack of sleep hasn't affected the quality of my work. It has made a bigger asshole than usual though and I usually take it out on Brad because I'm around him so much (sorry dude!).

I went out for a beer Thursday after work and ranted about everything going on. One beer turned into four (or five... I'm not sure actually), I went home, went to bed, and slept like a baby. Hmmm... insomnia or alcoholism, which do I choose? Seriously though, kicking back a few every day might not be a 'problem', but I'm sure as hell not going to start drinking every night so I can sleep.

My lack of sleep finally caught up to me on Saturday. I did some stuff around the house and passed out around four in the afternoon. I woke up at ten long enough to get some water and putz around before crawling back to bed and sleeping until nine Sunday morning. Not too happy about that since I missed out on some fine food Saturday evening, but I guess you can only go so long on naps before you crash and burn.

Hopefully certain things will be worked out soon so I can get back to a normal sleep schedule. Until then, I'll press on with two hours of sleep a night until I crash again.

Here ends the Monday night random ramble.

Not that we were, but what the hell - I'll turn the conversation that way.

The Best Damn Holiday Ever is rapidly approaching! Have you done your shopping yet?

I'm thinking about having a party, just for the hell of it. I can't remember the last time I had a birthday party and I could really use some cheer this year. Hmmm... decisions, decisions. As you get older, life is filled with hard decisions.

Should I get a keg or stick with a case or two?

I finally have hot water again, although it didn't happen until yesterday. The old heater was sitting on a concrete slab a foot off the basement floor. The guys that came out Tuesday (contracted through Home Depot) didn't have a heater that would sit on top of the slab and allow clearance for all the plumbing on top. The soonest they could come back would have been tomorrow. Dreading the thought of waiting until Friday for a hot shower, I got a local plumber to come out Tuesday night.

He checked everything out and told me he'd check inventory back at the shop Wednesday morning and if he had a heater I'd have hot water by Wednesday night. Then he said if he didn't have the heater, he'd go out and get one and I'd have hot water by... Wednesday night.

When I told him that the dynamic duo Home Depot had sent wouldn't have been back until Friday he looked at me and explained that, being a local company (in the area for decades) they make it a point to look out for their customers and work hard to restore the comfort level that people are used to - or something along those lines. The point being that the customer and their satisfaction is top priority to them.

I'll be honest - I didn't know that there were still places out there that valued their customers. Pleasantly surprised would be one way I'd describe my feelings on the whole conversation.

Yesterday a crew came out with the heater, had it installed in about an hour and a half, and I took the greatest hour long shower in the world. And then I took another hour long shower this morning.

Because I could.

Those two words probably aren't what you'd expect to read, especially with the heat and humidity we've endured over the past couple of weeks. But when your water heater eats it and the soonest someone can come out to replace it is Tuesday afternoon, the word 'cold' takes on a whole new meaning. Especially when describing the showers you'll be taking until the water heater is replaced.

After sitting and drinking coffee for four hours straight yesterday I realized that I had forgotten how much fun it could be to just sit and talk with someone. Reminiscing about good times past and sharing a laugh or two along the way just felt good - and I haven't really felt "good" in a long time.

Having severely cut back my caffeine intake over the past eight months and inhaling that much coffee in a short period of time had me awake until three this morning though. I'm surprised I can even function right now.

It's a beautiful day - the humidity that's hammered the area for the past couple of weeks has decided to take a vacation and it's finally comfortable again outside. I'm hoping to enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of this weekend since school starts on Monday and the following two weeks will be utter madness in the land of technology.

Is it me or did this summer really fly by?

I go back to work tomorrow and I'm sure it's going to be hell dragging my ass out of bed at 5 in the morning. Not because it'll be 5 in the morning, but because I'll have to get ready for work.

After my fun-filled week of scraping, sanding, and painting it's official - I need another vacation to recover from this last one. And I doubt I'll be getting another one anytime soon. I need to save up my remaining days for house buying related stuff and other things. I'm sad to report though that things are not looking well on the house buying front, but I remain cautiously optimistic about the entire endeavor. We'll have to see how the next couple of months play out.

I just have to keep taking things one day at a time and work with what I have.

I also need to figure out where all my optimism has come from and bottle it so that I'll have some on hand in case I turn back into the "old pessimistic dave".

It's that time of year folks. The kids are going back to school soon, summer has a few weeks before her final hurrah and everyone's thoughts will be turning to the holiday season. Of course, the first major holiday coming up is the greatest of them all - Christmas In September!

Shoppers - you have just over a month to get your major holiday shopping of the season done! I have a constantly growing and evolving Amazon wish list available to aid you in your decision-making process. You may also peruse my ThinkGeek list for additional gift ideas.

Let the buying begin!

Apparently when I take a vacation, I take a vacation from everything - blogging included. It's been a wonderful week, free of work and the madness that I'm sure ensued when staff started coming back from their summer vacations.

Let's see... last Saturday I had a poker game. Ed, Krissy, Brad, and The Fearless Leader came over and we played for a few hours. I managed to lose my ass... something about playing for small dollar amounts keeps me from doing good I think. When all was said and done, Brad actually pocketed the most profit... although I'm not sure how he managed. A good time was had by all. Until I woke up on Sunday with a nice healthy hangover. Ugh.

I made it out to Ed and Krissy's for my littlest nephew's birthday party which was fun, if somewhat loud and bright. Thanks to Ed for trying to "enhance" my suffering by turning on the kitchen light. Dude - we might be able to save the earth if you never turn that light on again... of course in my current non-hangover state I'm sure it's only half as bright as it was on Sunday.

The rest of my week was spent trying to get up early to get out for a ride on my bike. I've had this nice mountain bike since last fall and haven't gone further than the end of my driveway. I figured since I was on vacation, I'd get up early and get out before traffic picked up. The days I did manage to get up early were disappointments because it managed to rain every one of those days.

I also managed to turn what should have been a two day painting project into a week-long escapade. The back hallway has been driving me crazy for as long as I can remember. I decided to paint it and the actual process started on Saturday when Brad came over and we started peeling the surface layer of paint off in sheets. Let this be a lesson to everyone - surface preparation is important! I spent two days scraping, one day sanding and patching, and two days laying down primer. I could've had that done in one day, but started priming late in the day Thursday. I wanted to get a second coat on yesterday as well as a first coat of paint, but had other business to attend to. By the time I was done with the second coat of primer I was done for the day. As it stands, I'm still not done and am wondering why I ever agreed to deal with this in the first place.

So that's been my vacation week. Even though I haven't been sleeping in and have been working everyday it's been great! But that's because I wasn't stuck at The Seventh Level Of Hell. Sure I'm paid to be there, but that doesn't make it suck less.

For the past couple of mornings, there's been the foul odor of skunk funk in the yard. Apparently, last week's victim had family and they're still in the area. The dog goes crazy every morning (more so than usual), running around the yard with her nose either in the air or against the ground.

I keep telling the dog to watch it or the skunk posse is going to get her. If dogs can roll their eyes, then that's exactly what she does to me each time I say it. But a part of me keeps expecting to see a gang of skunks walking up my driveway and snapping their fingers while taunting the dog.

I just hope they vacate the area soon. I don't think the dog wants anymore baths for a while.

Lot's of things going on in Dave World... some big and exciting, some not so much.

The dog bathing went surprisingly easy... she didn't fight as much this time and actually seemed to enjoy it - big shocker! She still smells, but you have to actually get close and focus on sniffing around where she got sprayed. I'm torn between putting her through the agony of another bath and just letting it go. Will a light skunk funk fade eventually? Anyone know?

I tore up some of the hallway carpeting... I was going to do the whole thing, but managed to track down the source of the skunk funk and minimized collateral damage. The rest will be torn out eventually, after I'm done painting. I finally have color commitment from the boss so I can get crackin'. I'll probably spend a day of my vacation knocking that out. I'm sure my brother will want me to spend all of my vacation doing shit that I don't want to, so I'll have to present him with my very specific list of things I'll be doing. It'll be short - paint hallway, air nuts, nothing, and more nothing.

And this paint job will hopefully be one of the last things I do in my mom's house to earn my keep - I'm officially house hunting. This is the real deal and I've already put together a list of potential places. There's a Victorian that I'm dying to look at... doesn't look too shabby from the outside - it does need some work, but nothing major - but I really want to see the inside before I get too excited. I've always wanted a Victorian though Of course my interest has already been tempered by my brother who insists that I not jump into anything... gee ya think? There's a lot that needs to happen before I sign on the dotted line... thanks for reminding me of the potential nightmare of buying a house.

I'm sure he means well, but I don't think he really knows me. When I find what I want, it's what I want and I know it. End of story. That's how it was with my car - I walked onto the lot, looked around, found my car, and said "I want to take that one out for a test drive". An hour later and I'm finishing up the paperwork. That's just how I am. And I'm sure that's how it will be with a house. I'll find one that really catches my eye, gives me a deep-seated good feeling, and I'll want to see more of it. If I like what I see, I'll take it to the next step. I'm not going to "jump" into anything... we're talking way too much money to "jump" into this!

That's my big news for the month - big, exciting (I'm excited! ) and even a wee bit scary. In a fun kind of way. There's a lot of change headed my way and I'm looking forward to it.

But not really...

Stinky the Skunk Killer doesn't stink of "skunk funk" as bad as she did, but still has a date with another round of bathing in the morning. It was supposed to be today, but she managed to escape her fate because I had to go shopping. Lucky dog.

I get to spend part of my weekend ripping out the carpeting in the back hallway... apparently Stinky was dripping that wonderful skunk funk juice when she came in the house because it still reeks of skunk. Thankfully, that's the only part of the house that still smells. The carpeting was coming out anyway so that's not that big a deal. But I had big plans this weekend and must now, sadly, put them on hold.

And since I'm going to be in the hall anyway, I figure it'll be a good time to begin the prep work for the long needed paint job that I've wanted to take care of this summer.

Aren't weekends supposed to be for relaxing?

Nature is a beautiful thing. Until it has a run in with your dog.

Last night about 11:30 I decided to head outside for one last cigarette. On my way out the door, the dog asked to go out so I took her with me. I'm standing outside in boxers, a t-shirt, and sandals enjoying the nicotine fix when I see a small black shape dart across the driveway towards the garage - a skunk. Before I can turn to find the dog and grab her, she flies by me moving faster than I've ever seen her move. She blindsides it, grabs it by the neck, and starts shaking it back and forth like a chew toy.

I just listed my motorcycle on craigslist... I've been trying to sell it for awhile now without luck (the closest I came was a caller who thought it was a car). The Fearless Leader suggested craigslist, since he's had some excellent success there. So the deed is done... and now I'm torn. On the one hand, it's in the way and would be a welcome source of income. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind hanging on to it, getting it road-worthy and going for a ride.

I'll just keep telling myself it's for a good cause. And it is... what I'm working on is going to require a lot of money.

But now would be a good time for my long-lost rich relatives to ring the doorbell though.

Just when I start posting regularly, I pop up to say "see ya!".

I've injured my wrist (save the lewd comments sickos!), so I need to stay away from the keyboard. Which sucks big damn balls - my book has been coming along nicely and I'm not crazy about a work stoppage right now. Especially since it's taken so long to get back to writing it.

But, with my wrist all screwed up I don't have a choice.

So, I'm outta here for a bit. See ya soon.

Figured I should pop up and actually write something of substance.

Still working on the book. I go from hating it to loving it to hating it again. Right now I've fallen into a groove so I'm loving it, but that could all change by tomorrow. Every word puts me closer to finishing the story I want to tell though... that's all I need to keep me going.

Work is shaping up to get a little more interesting. We have a new boss who sounds like he actually has a clue, but we'll see what happens. He officially starts on Monday, but he's been stopping in when time allows and has already made the call to replace my custom work request system with an off the shelf solution. Kinda sucks, but at least I don't have to listen to people bitch anymore.

I actually watched TV last night and enjoyed it. If you get a chance, check out Burn Notice - the series premiere was last night and I thought it was great. I laughed a few times and guffawed at least twice.

And now it is 12:52 A.M. - I got really sidetracked. Just killed a big fuckin' spider damn near the size of a nine volt battery. Yeesh.

I've got nothing... my side trip into la la land killed my concentration.

G'night.

I had a good day yesterday. I went north to see The Princess and after the hugs and kisses were distributed she played eye-contact avoidance with me:

T.P.: (Looking at the ground and speaking in a small voice) Ummmmmmmm Daddy?
Me: Ummmmmmmmm Abbie?
T.P.:(Watching ants crawl across the ground) Ummmmmmmmmmmm Daddy?
Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm Abbie?
T.P. (Gesturing wildly for me to come closer) Come here, I have to whisper sumthin'.

So I move closer and bend down to provide my ear for the whisperings that were almost bubbling over by this time.

T.P. (Cupping her hands around my ear and speaking in her tiny whisper voice) Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Daddy?
Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Abbie?
T.P. Can we go get ice cream?
Me: Of course we can.

And so the plans were made and preparations for departure were put off for about an hour so we could play with Chip and Dale and make puddles in the driveway. We made the trek down to the corner, got our ice cream and headed for home. Somehow I wound up getting more ice cream on my shirt than The Princess got on her dress... how I managed that, I dunno. But it was good ice cream and cheap too! Ninety-five cents for two whopping scoops - can't go wrong there I tells ya!

After we got back, we played with chalk on the driveway and I wrote out a dyslexic alphabet for The Princess. Things were going good until she started running in her flip flops (BIG NO-NO!) and wiped out on the drive... she gashed her poor little thumb on a brick and lost it. She wanted Jess to hold her and make it all better and then didn't want to let go. Jess was having a hard time trying to juggle The Princess and a plate so Grammy came in and saved the day by enticing her to go out and see the lightning bugs.

Poor little thing was so exhausted she passed out in Grammy's lap. I carried her up to bed and then got ready to leave. And then I was showered with goodness... I got a card from Abbie and one from Jess and then the Mother of All Father's Day presents was dropped on me - a snazzy 12 cup coffee maker!

And yes, before you ask, I already have a coffee maker - a dinky four cup job that I have to dick around with every morning so I can have a cup before I hit the shower and then have enough to fill my travel mug.

But isn't that good enough?

No, you ignorant peasants, it isn't!!! My new fat bastard has a timer! I can wake up to coffee! No more blindly shuffling through the routine of getting my coffee ready in the morning! No more trying to pour the water into the reservoir while I'm half asleep and missing! It's the best damn gift ever!

Hell, with all the time I'll save playing barista I might start getting to work early... nah, screw that.

I came home with the coffeemaker and a plate of lemon bars, which sends my diet into a tailspin, but they're lemon bars and they're damn good so screw it. So, to sum up, I had a great Father's Day (aside from the accident).

To all you fathers out there - I hope you had a great day too.

And for all you guys who don't have kids... I echo these sentiments... sorry.

The annual taco fest was yesterday and as usual, a lot of people who said they would definitely be there, weren't. I think everyone who did come had a good time (at least I hope they did), and I'm pretty sure the tacos were up to snuff.

I'm not complaining (even though it's going to sound like it), but I put a helluva lot of time and effort into this shindig, so when I have such a high number of no-shows, it's damn disappointing. It wouldn't be such a big deal if this was the first time it happened, but this is the third year in a row that it's happened.

So Mambo is dead. Done. Finished.

I was talking to Ed about scaling things down by only inviting the people I know will show and buying less food and supplies, and I might do that. But right now, I'm calling it - time of death: 1:15 A.M. on 5/28/07.

Die-hard taco fan