Wasted Years

Welcome to the second installment of a series of posts detailing how I would run things if I was in charge. Before I get started, let's go over a few ground rules:

- Be prepared to disagree with me. It's your right to disagree with me. But as far as your opinion is concerned... you're wrong. Remember, this is called "If I Was In Charge".

- Be prepared to think of me as a "cold-hearted barbarian". I'm O.K. with that. It beats being a "tree-hugging hippie".

- Feel free to leave a comment or two. I love it when people leave comments... it lets me know that people are reading my blog. And, sure, you can leave your opinion in your comment. But remember that my opinion is the only one that matters in this category of posts.

O.K... they're not rules so much as they're a set of guidelines. Sue me.

Anyway, a few months back I was having a conversation about the death penalty and how I'm for it. I was informed that it costs more to execute a death row inmate than it does to keep them in prison for life. I was flabbergasted! How could it cost more to kill someone than keeping them alive? That didn't make sense to me until I sat back and thought about the flaws in our death penalty system.

So I've come up with some ideas for a leaner, meaner capital punishment system. Without further ado, I present:

If I Was In Charge: Capital Punishment

1. First and foremost we need to shorten the entire conviction,sentencing, and appeal process. If someone is found guilty of a heinous crime and is sentenced to death, from that point forward they are entitled to three (3) appeals. If after the third appeal process, the sentence still stands then the execution takes place immediately. One, two, three strikes you're out! Also, the appeal process can last no longer than six months.

2. With a quicker appeal process in place, 'Death Row' becomes a truly scary place with a maximum stay of six months (six months for the condemned who appeal, that is). At the end of six months, it's execution time. For the condemned who decide to take responsibility for their actions and face the music, executions will be carried out in as quick a manner as possible.

Let me break here and explain my reasoning behind these two. As of 10/1/02 Illinois had 160 inmates on death row (until our previous governor granted them all clemency). The per inmate cost was $27,466/year with the average death row stay being thirteen years. So if my math is correct, we were basically paying $4,394,560 for a year's worth of inmates waiting for death. Now if we have an inmate who rides it out for thirteen years, he costs us $357,058 for his thirteen year tour. Of course he's an example. But can you imagine the bill for ten or twenty inmates taking up space for thirteen years? Oh yeah... did I mention the longest death row stay was twenty-two years?

So what it comes down to is cutting costs. And by limiting death row stays to a maximum of six months, an inmate on death row would cost us $13,733. That's not such a bad deal to me when compared to the cost of keeping inmates on death row for years. Now back to my plan.

3. A lot of states spend a lot of money on 'humane' methods of capital punishment. Why? It's generally an inhumane act committed against another living person that puts a person on death row. Explain to me why we should be humane and spend a lot of money doing it. My solution is quite simple. And cheaper. It's called a bullet in the back of the head. If $16.95 for a box of fifty rounds of ammo isn't a good deal, I don't know what is (That breaks down to about $0.34 an inmate for execution costs). If that's too much for some people, we can go back to rope and a tree. Either method seems cheaper than fancy gas chambers and lethal injection chambers.

4. Make executions public. Let potential murdering scum see what will happen to them when they get caught. Let them know we're done fucking around.

This could work. But only if we stop pampering the fucktards who wind up on death row and giving them seemingly endless chances to escape the fate they deserve.

This "If I Was In Charge" post is only a small piece of my complete overhaul of the justice system. I'll cover my proposals for a broader overhaul in my next IIWIC post.

And remember... it's O.K. to disagree with me. But if you do, you're wrong because this is the way things would work if I was in charge.

Welcome to the first in what I'm sure will be a series of posts detailing how I would run things around here. And I'm choosing a topic that affects me based on my locale.

Here in beautiful Northern Illinois, the city I live in has had a population explosion due in part to high levels of immigration. And that wouldn't be such a big deal... if it was all legal.

My neighborhood has at least four single family homes housing multiple families. And when I say multiple, I mean about thirty people to a house with five to six cars in each driveway and on the street. And it's like this all over the city. Sure, we have building codes that should eliminate that and lessen the overcrowding in these homes, but the problem lies in the democratic asshats in city hall who are looking for support from all the Mexican voters who have families here illegally. (For the record, it's my understanding that most of the illegal immigrants are of Mexican descent. It seems that immigrants of other nationalities go through the trouble of applying for and receiving their citizenship.)

It's been made clear over time that our Democratic leadership is more than content to let our once fine city fall into oblivion under the weight of the illegal immigrant population. They have even gone as far as recognizing matricula cards given by the Mexican government as legitimate identification. As for our state government, a bill supported by several senators has been circulating to give illegal immigrants the right to a drivers license.

This kind of bullshit cheapens the hard work and dedication of the many immigrants who come to this great country and pursue citizenship. My grandparents from both sides of my family fall into that category and are surely rolling over in their graves at this bullshit.

I've bitched enough... it's time for:

If I Was In Charge: Immigration

Some of these may seem impossible and most likely would be without reoganization and/or a reworking of the current system in place.

1. After entering the country all immigrants have eight years, from their time of entry, to become naturalized citizens. I'd make it less, but naturalization requires five years of residency.

2. Upon entry, all immigrants register with the INS, FBI, and local law enforcement agencies. If after eight years an immigrant has not obtained citizenship, representatives from one or all of these agencies will provide an escort to the closest border and expell the immigrant from the country. Attempts at crossing back into the country will be met with use of deadly force. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

3. The ability to read, write, speak, and understand english is a requirement for naturalization. Within three months of immigration, the immigrant must show proof of working towards this requirement by enrolling in an english language class. Failure to do so within the first three months will constitute an unwillingness to learn english and satisfy the requirements of naturalization. At this time, the immigrant's case will be slated for review three months following. If by that time, the immigrant fails to show proof of english language education, the immigrant will be escorted to the nearest border in a manner similar to what was laid out in #2 above. Personally, I'm tired of telling people I don't speak spanish. Ingles, motherfuckers. Learn it.

4. There will no longer be free handouts to immigrants and their families. All free handouts will go to U.S. citizens, whether they be citizens by birth or naturalized citizens. It's about time that legal citizens had perks and privileges again.

5. Any immigrant found to be in posession of falsified identification (i.e. IDs, drivers licenses, etc.) will be taken into custody, automatically identified as a felon, and escorted to the nearest border. No trial. No jail time. No second chances.

6. Any immigrant deported from the U.S. for failure to abide by the immigration rules above found to have crossed back into the country will immediately have a bounty placed on their head in the amount of $10,000. For every six months the immigrant goes uncaptured, the bounty will increase by $5,000. Use of deadly force will be authorized.

7. The United States will no longer recognize any form of identification issued by another nation's government as valid ID. Any state or local municipality found to be in violation will immediately have it's leadership arrested and tried for treason.

8. An immigration cap will be established, limiting the number of families or individuals who may immigrate in a single year. This number will be based on an analysis of previous immigration numbers versus what our economy can support. Or it can be determined by a random number generator for all I care. The point being, there needs to be some way to control the immigrant population. Maybe we should just seal the borders for three years at a time and only have them open for one.

I'm sure I could think of more, but I'm a little rusty at ranting about what I would do if I was in charge. I know some of you are probably scratching your heads, wondering what I've been smoking, and pointing out the number of ways in which this won't work.

I say fuck you. This could work. Nobody's had the balls to really touch immigration reform and stick to their guns. As for manpower issues (of which there would be many), you can't tell me that of all the unemployed fuckers out there, people wouldn't jump at a job, especially if we provide training in the appropriate areas for the people that would need it. Welfare momma? Get up off your fat ass! We got a fucking job for you... sit here and push paper. It might not be a dream job, but shit, a job is a job. Especially in our current economy.

On top of all that, this category is called 'If I Was In Charge'. Not, 'What Would You, Your Brother, Your Friend Down The Street, Your 47th Cousin 23 Times Removed, Or Your Monkey's Uncle Do If They Were In Charge?'. This could work, If I was in charge.

For more information, check out the UCIS website for naturalization requirements. Check out the self test you can take on U.S. history and government. Doesn't seem that hard to me.

Especially for people that want the benefits of citizenship.