Take a moment and check out Cut Dave's Hair. In a nutshell, I'm encouraging people to donate to St. Jude's and if I reach my goal, I'm cutting my hair off and donating it to Locks of Love.

Pitch in if you can!

Thanks.

In the face of a $9 million short fall, due to the state of Illinois throwing education under the bus in an attempt to ease it's own budget woes, the administration recommended and the board approved 560 layoffs. That's a quarter of our staff.

A quarter. The majority of the 560 layoffs is coming from our teaching staff and they received their official RIF notices yesterday. Walking through a building yesterday afternoon was like walking among the dead - teachers with dead eyes going about their day, trying to continue in their duties as part of a completely broken system. And believe me, this system is broken.

Until we stop teaching to a test, stop teaching our kids to memorize things, and stop underfunding the educational system in this country, it is broken. Until we actually start embracing our children, their abilities, and their interests, the system is broken. Until we stop listening to every half-assed politician with the next great plan to solve the educational system's deficiencies, it's going to stay broken.

We can't rely on politicians to fix this disaster because there are only two things that interest them - money and power. Most politicians, once elected, are immediately overcome with sweeping amnesia that blows all the promises they made on the campaign trail right out of their heads. Accept this one nugget of truth - they don't give a fuck about us. We're only votes to them. And they certainly don't give a fuck about our children. In Illinois, Governor Quinn's budget that slashes $1 billion from education funding is proof of that.

Oh, but wait! If income taxes are increased we can save education funding!

Whatever - don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining. If a tax increase goes through, once those assholes in Springfield have more money they'll blow it on more worthless legislation. It'll be spent in three months. And we'll be right back where we are now - the state trying to get out of debt on the backs of our kids.

So what's the answer? I don't know. What I do know is that we can no longer afford to deprive our children of the quality education they deserve. Or the teachers needed to give them that education.

I'm hoping to raise $3,000 by June. If I meet my goal, the hair comes off and goes to Locks of Love. If you've got a few dollars you can spare, head over to Cut Dave's Hair for the details.

Thanks!

2010 is upon us, a year full of potential and hope. We've all dealt with bullshit this past year, but 2010 can be ours. Correction - 2010 will be ours. It's time to step up, take what's yours and defy your detractors. Give them the gift that keeps on giving, the single finger salute. Treat each day as the gift it is and appreciate that you have it. Be selfish, look out for you and yours because ultimately no one else gives a damn. Go out and live!

My To-Do List for 2010:

- Quit smoking.

- Take better care of myself.

- Expand my apathetic attitude towards certain people further - When I stopped caring about a group of people and stopped worrying about civility, I started sleeping again. Like a fucking baby. Every night. I'm taking it further. Outside of a small circle of close friends, I'm done. I don't fucking care about you, your supposed troubles, or anything you have to say. Offended? Sit and spin. Then go kick rocks.

- Take my own advice and be selfish for once. I always say I'm going to do it, but never quite get there. 2010 will be different.

- Finish revising my damn book and finish writing the other one that's been sitting on the back burner.

- Pick up my guitar and start playing again.

- Make a movie.

- Take a vacation. To Florida. To watch a shuttle launch. Last year to do it so I better get it done.

- Reconnect with some family. Completely cut ties with others.

- Be happy with me.

Things I'm not looking forward to in 2010:

- Obamacare. Yes, I know it hasn't been finished yet and that it won't go into full effect for a couple of years. Bite me. Seriously, if you think a government that can still fuck up a wet dream after practicing for as long as they have having a hand in our health care is a good idea, you are a fucking idiot. Plain and simple. If you think it's a great idea, take good care of your other brain cell since that's the only one that's keeping you alive.

Wow. I can only think of one thing that I'm not looking forward to. I'm sure more will come up. Maybe? Meh, not worth the time to dwell on it.

2009 - hit the road. You're not wanted here anymore. A bigger better year is waiting to take your place. 2010 will be a good year because I refuse to let it be anything but.

2010 will be my year.

After the divorce, there were a lot of problems with the ex-wife. Even when I was too young to fully grasp what was going on, I knew enough to know that I didn't like her very much. She just seemed off. She did bring Christopher over so he could see his grandparents, but those visits were few and far between.

Eventually, she dropped a bomb on everyone and announced she was moving out of the area. Oh, she promised she would keep in touch and make sure Christopher still got to communicate with his family and whatnot, and that happened a couple of times but not very much.

And then she dropped off the face the planet completely. Phones were disconnected, mail was returned. There was no trace of her or my nephew. The family was worried and did what they could to find Christopher. After several years, it wasn't until my mom was pointed to DCFS and finally reached someone who could help that we all learned what had happened. Christopher had been removed from his mother's care and placed with a foster family (Why DCFS didn't attempt to place him with his dad is still a mystery) and had been adopted by the family. He was healthy, happy, and loved.

My mom, hearing all of this, was relieved he was ok but upset at the process. She decided that if Christopher was happy and being cared for, that was good enough for her with everything he had been through. It was not an easy decision, but she decided to let go and trust that his adoptive family would give him the life he deserved. It was a decision that always bothered her.

But hopefully it won't bother her anymore. Yesterday, my niece called and told my mom that she found Christopher on Facebook (apparently, my spelling skills are for shit which is why I never found him when I tried). We now know where he lives. We know he's doing well. We know he's married. Most importantly, we know he's ok.

This has been the best Christmas ever for a lot of us. Finding Christopher made it the best Christmas ever for my mom. Years of guilt vanished from her face over the course of the night and I can't remember when I've seen her so happy.

Merry Christmas.

And I'm always here.

I'm wide awake
I open my eyes and the sky's so blue
All of a sudden
I know that I treasure my life
I find myself
Wide awake - like you

The struggle within
Now I understand
Freedom begins
When you get out of the cage you built
It looks like I'm crazy but I'm not the only one
To believe in myself, believe in myself
I won't be coming undone - cause I feel like

I'm wide awake
I open my eyes and the sky's so blue
All of a sudden
I know that I treasure my life
I find myself
Wide awake - like you

I'm wide awake
Open my eyes and the sky's so blue
All of a sudden
I know that I treasure my life
All of a sudden
I know that I treasure my life
Like you

Lacuna Coil

So many stories told, too many useless words
Maybe because it's getting dark inside

This is the last goodbye
These broken dreams have been resigned
Here's to our last good night
These broken dreams have been resigned

Will this set us both free
You gotta, you gotta,
You gotta tell me what you think
Because I just don't understand it.
Whatever I did to you
No excuses for this silence
Tell me what you're thinking, I'll be listening

So many stories told, too many useless words
Maybe because it's getting dark inside

This is the last goodbye
These broken dreams have been resigned
Here's to our last good night
These broken dreams have been resigned

Why should I care when it will be alright?
Once separate ways we'll feel alive again
So many stories told, too many useless words
Maybe because it's getting dark inside

This is the last goodbye
These broken dreams have been resigned
Here's to our last good night
These broken dreams have been resigned

The last goodbye
The last goodbye
The last goodbye
The last goodbye

Lacuna Coil

Believe me, my non-participation is not due to a lack of ideas, ambition, or resolve! Rather than start another story, it's time I finally finish what I started last year. Instead of starting one more project to finish, I'm going to get back to revising last year's story with the goal of having something fit for reading by November 30th.

Provided I reach my goal, come December 1st some of you will have a little something in your inboxes. When that day comes, remember that I require brutal honesty.

Looking forward to the 30th!

I'll be damned fighting you
It's impossible
Impossible
Say goodbye with no sympathy

I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned and numb
Knock me down... Throw me to the floor
There's no pain... I can't feel no more
I'm entitled to overcome
Overcome

Finally see what's beneath
Everything I am and hope to be
Cannot be lost
I'll be damned fighting you... you're impossible
Impossible
Say goodbye with no sympathy

I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned and numb
Knock me down... Throw me to the floor
There's no pain... I can't feel no more
I'm entitled to overcome
Overcome

You'll never know what I was thinking before you came around
Take a step... Take a breath
Put your guard down!
I cannot worry anymore 'bout what you think of me
I may be crazy but I'm buried in your memory

I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned and numb
Knock me down... Throw me to the floor
There's no pain... I can't feel no more

I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned and numb
I'm entitled to overcome
Completely stunned and numb
I'm entitled to overcome

I may be crazy but I'm buried in your memory

Creed

Work's been a massive bitch. The latest round of bullshit involved me and two others being thrown under a bus for something that was in no way our fault. At least I'm in good company. Just counting down the days now... hopefully the summer will bring some change for the better.

Outside of work, after two and a half years, I expected things to be drastically different from how they are now. Then I wake up and come to my senses, realizing that they're not different and it's my fault for letting myself get walked all over. I expected more from someone and got a hell of a lot less. Despite paperwork and recommendations that spell everything out, someone still refuses to allow things to progress. It's ok though, there will be consequences. That's a guarantee.

Picked up the new Creed. Somewhat disappointed, which is shocking. Maybe it'll grow on me after a few more listens. "Overcome" is all me though. Sums up the last couple of years and all the bullshit.

There ya go - Still alive and kicking! Just laying low to avoid having things used against me... shitty way to live, really.

Change is coming though.

Just not in much of a celebratory mood.

It'll pass and hopefully I'll be somewhat back to myself by the weekend.