August 1, 2005
Games
Act one way, say one thing, do another. Then all of a sudden everything is the opposite of what was said and of what was done. I don't get it! People say things and then they turn around and do something else. Hypocrisy? Perhaps. I think we all have that in our lives. Examine closely the things you say, and then watch what you do in your everyday life. We are a bunch of morons!!! We talk about people and their lives, and our own life is as or more fucked up than theirs!!! Why is that? I don't know. We say we don't want to play games, that we want someone that is going to be straight and blunt, someone sincere and not hold back, and when we find the one person that can handle it, then we retract. Why? I think this is why we end up unhappy and why shit happens in our lives. We are not truthful to ourselves. We say we want something, and when we finally get it, we then turn our backs to it. We don't want to deal with it. I think it's fear. Fear of actually being ourselves with someone else. For so long we pretend to be someone we are not. We are so used to wearing a mask, one that hides our weaknesses, our fears, our darkest secrets, that we can't take it off and put it aside when we find that someone that we say we want. Maybe b/c we are afraid of being ridiculed, or of how that other person is going to react. Maybe we are not ready to let go of the facade we have made our own. Sometimes it's easier to be the person we really aren't b/c we know that the vulnerabily is not there. We are not exposing our true feelings or fears. If someone decides to attack us, it hurts, but it's not as demolishing as if our true self was being under attack. People by nature hide themselves, and don't let anyone see who they really are. Some are successful and take the leap that sets them free from all the mediocrity and critical eye we live under. Those people I admire. Why? Because they decided to not give a fuck about what I, you, or anyone else for that matter thinks about them. We think we have so much to lose, not in material assets, but in our own spiritual being. I wish I could set myself free from the chains that tie me. I wish I could meet someone who feels the same way as I. I want to put this mask away and show who I really am, but I don't know if I have what it takes, at least not at the present moment.
