Odessa Nyx

Uncertainty

UNCERTAINTY: noun
1 : the quality or state of being uncertain : DOUBT
2 : something that is uncertain
synonyms UNCERTAINTY, DOUBT, DUBIETY, SKEPTICISM, SUSPICION, MISTRUST mean lack of sureness about someone or something.
UNCERTAINTY may range from a falling short of certainty to an almost complete lack of conviction or knowledge especially about an outcome or result.
DOUBT suggests both uncertainty and inability to make a decision.
DUBIETY stresses a wavering between conclusions.
SKEPTICISM implies unwillingness to believe without conclusive evidence.
SUSPICION stresses lack of faith in the truth, reality, fairness, or reliability of something or someone.
MISTRUST implies a genuine doubt based upon suspicion.

That's what life is in general! We live in a world full of uncertainty. We don't know what tomorrow brings, and even when we want to deeply believe in the good of the future, nothing is guaranteed! Who is to say that tomorrow you are going to be here? Who is to say that tomorrow you won't lose your job or the person you love? You CAN'T!!! Bottom line is that you DON"T KNOW!

It makes you wonder how to live in a world where nothing is guaranteed. A world where happiness is brief, you have it one moment and gone the next. How ironic! We strive for happiness but it's not promised to last forever once you attain it.

It's a depressing thing once you start thinking about it. Then why do we live? What do we live for? For that brief moment of happiness that will be taken away in one swift blow? I think too damn much! That's evident. Believe me, I HATE IT!!! Why can't I be a conformist and accept life as is and not question or wonder anything else and just live it and not try to analyze every aspect of it?!? I don't know!!! I wish I knew how to stop my brain from thinking and processing, and the moment I find one answer, 20 more questions spring up out of the blue. I hate that about myself, I cannot just take it as it is.

Everyone has different reasons to strive in this world. Some think of love as the most important one. OK, but that is not a committment for life. Some people are bound to fall out of love. Why? Some call it human nature. I hope that when I decide to get married I find the person that does not fall out of love. But who is to promise and deliver that won’t happen? NOBODY.

Maybe uncertainty is not so bad after all. If we did not have that inconsistency in our lives then we would just become static. Things would cease to happen and the world would come to a halt, a dead-like state of being. It is evident that at this point I want my life to go in one direction, but many factors surrounding me make me think otherwise. Why bother to put all this time and effort for nothing at the end. I see what I want at the end, but will it be there when I get there? Sometimes I like to just cut things lose and turn my back on them and find another path and forget about it. Lately that is what I have been doing because I have faced so many challenges and I am tired. One of my good friends pointed out that I need to communicate. She says I need to voice my concerns for what I am striving for and take it from there. It would all be much easier if I were only dealing with myself. I have someone else as part of this inner turmoil, actually he is the cause of it, if you will.

I guess it would only be fair for me to share my concerns and thoughts on the matter. But I do not know if I really want to. Why? He might listen or disregard my thoughts and crumple them up as if these were paper and toss them in the waste basket. Maybe because I do not feel he regards me as an important part of his life. I only like to share my thoughts with people that truly care and listen and have an open mind. When you do not perceive that energy from an individual it is pointless to attempt a moment of communication, they might even misconstrue every word that comes out of your mouth. It is all a matter of perception. And my instincts are advising me not to say anything, at least for now.

I'll come back with a posting when I finally decide to open my own Pandora's Box. We shall see the outcome of my actions.

Posted by Nemesis at June 26, 2006 11:30 AM